


Good Brother, Best Sister

by Kitt_Monroe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 08:37:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3889687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitt_Monroe/pseuds/Kitt_Monroe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They really are such children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Brother, Best Sister

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: SOMETIMES I THINK ABOuT GOuGING OuR EYES OuT JuST TO PISS YOu OFF. I WOuLDN’T BE TOO INCONVENIENCED, REALLY. I DON’T MOVE AROuND OuR ROOM A LOT. SO I WOuLDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOuT BuMPING INTO SHIT. BuT I KNOW *YOu* DO.  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: sometimes i think aboUt wearing my face paint and wig to sleep, jUst so i can have the satisfaction of knowing yoU have to take it all off. oh, how terribly amUsing that woUld be! ^u^  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: SOMETIMES **I** THINK ABOuT CHOPPING OFF OuR RIGHT HAND SO YOu CAN NEVER uSE IT AGAIN. YOu’RE RIGHT HANDED RIGHT? BuT YOu SEE I’M FINE WITH BOTH OuR HANDS. THEREFORE. YOu WOuLD BE THE ONLY ONE TO SuFFER. tumut  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: well sometimes i think aboUt cUtting off both oUr middle fingers so that yoU can never give anyone the doUble bird again.  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: YOu DO THAT AND I WILL FuCKING STAB uS IN THE HEART WHERE I STAND.  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: yoU’re too chicken, love. :U  
UU: erm, not to mention yoU have no actUal means of doing that! the best yoU coUld do woUld be to jab oUr chest Uselessly Until it perhaps gave way Under yoUr fUry.  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: DON’T GIVE ME ANY IDEAS. YOu TAWDRY BITCH.  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: i don’t think yoU know what tawdry means.  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: DO FuCKING TOO. IT MEANS FANCY BuT STuPID. WHICH IS WHAT YOu ARE.  
uu: FuCKING ****SCHOOOOOOOOOOOLED.****  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: oh yes, yoU certainly got me. bUt trUly, what is stopping me from jUst giving Us a coUple of nice paper cUts on those fingers?  
UU: i do a lot of reading, yoU know. what with all those pages to tUrn, it coUld be an Utter accident! u3~  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: WHY ARE YOu SO FREAKISHLY LOATHSOME. LIKE. GOD DAMN. DO YOu STuDY THIS SHIT? DO YOu TAKE LESSONS ON HOW TO BE AN *EVEN BIGGER* FuCKWAD THAN YOu ALREADY ARE, EVERY SINGLE DAY?  
uu: THAT’S PROBABLY ONE OF YOuR MANY HuGE AWFuL BOOKS. *HOW TO BE A REPuLSIVE TWIT*. I’M WILLING TO BET, THAT IT WAS WRITTEN BY THE DOuCHIEST ONE OF YOuR “FRIENDS” WHO EVER LIVED.  
uu: WHICH ONE WAS THAT CAL??? WHICH ONE OF THOSE SHITCAKES WAS THE BIGGEST DOuCHE? I’M SuRE YOU HAVE A RECORD OR SOMETHING.  
uu: BECAuSE YOu’RE A FUCKING TOOL.  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: i’ll thank yoU not to make fUn of my friends, darling! they are all special and great in their own ways, and i will not give you the names of any of them, besides the ones yoU’ve already UnfortUnately learned throUgh my embarrassing slip-Ups with oUr fetch modUs.  
UU: if yoU’d like to find friends of yoUr own, ones who can somehow tolerate yoUr repUgnant personality, then be my gUest, bUt i won’t have yoU terrorizing mine.  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: OH MY GOD. SO MANY FuCKING WORDS. IT AMAZES ME, THAT YOu HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. DESPITE BEING THE LEAST RELEVANT PERSON WHO EVER EXISTED.  
uu: YOu KNOW I’M RIGHT TOO. YOu’RE SO uNIMPORTANT, THAT YOu TRY TO MAKE YOuRSELF INTO SOMEONE ELSE. A.K.A. *AN EVEN SHITTIER VERSION OF YOuRSELF.*  
uu: WITH YOuR DuMBASS FuCKING FALSE HAIR, AND BuLLSHIT HORNS.  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: oh, are we insUlting each other’s fashion sense now? i’m not the one wearing arsehole sUspenders! >u<  
UU: not to mention i at least i know how to tie my own shoes! don’t think i don’t notice i’m always wearing slip-ons when i wake Up, dear brother.  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: SOMETIMES I THINK ABOuT CuTTING OuT OuR TONGuE SO THAT YOu CAN NEVER SAY ANY WORDS AGAIN.  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: sometimes i think aboUt inclUding yoU in one of my fanfictions.  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: YOu WOuLDN’T FuCKING DARE.  
uu: IF I WAKE uP NEXT TIME, OR ANY TIME. AND I HAVE EVEN THE SLIGHTEST NOTION, THAT YOu’VE THROWN ME INTO ONE OF YOuR PIECE OF SHIT FuCKBALL STORIES.  
uu: I AM GOING TO FLIP A BITCH, CAL. THERE WILL BE A BITCH FLIPPED SO HARD. AND SO MIGHTILY. THAT SHE NEVER COMES BACK DOWN HERE. SHE WILL HAVE TAKEN uP ORBIT IN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SOLAR SYSTEM.  
uu: THAT IS HOW HARD I AM GOING TO FLIP THIS BITCH. tumut  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: oh, bUt love, yoU’d be adorable! i already have a name picked oUt!  
UU: calheb borhne, an exceedingly grUmpy troll with a mUtant blood coloUr who is incapable of being kind or generoUs toward anyone, even his sister who has only ever been an absolUte delight to him!  
UU: it’s a bit of a stretch, since trolls don’t natUrally have “siblings” per se, bUt we’ll be a special case! UuU  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: I WILL ANNIHILATE YOu. I DON’T KNOW ANY WORDS THAT CAN EXPLAIN EXACTLY HOW DEAD YOu’RE GOING TO BE IF YOu GO THROUGH WITH THAT.  
uu: BuT LET’S JuST SETTLE ON *EXTREMELY FuCKING DEAD*!!!  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: oh, don’t worry if yoU can’t articUlate yoUr anger, love. lUckily, i have enoUgh of a command of the langUage for both of Us!  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: SOMETIMES. I THINK ABOuT BuRNING ALL YOuR BOOKS.  
uu: THAT WAY. YOu COuLD NEVER READ THEM AGAIN. AND THAT WAY, YOu COuLD NEVER TORMENT ME WITH THEIR TERRIBLE BORING INSIDES THAT I DON’T GIVE *ANY* SHITS ABOuT.  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: yoU’d have to come over to my side of the room to do that, and i’m sUre yoU know that’s impossible.  
UU: still, sometimes i think aboUt sprinkling special stardUst all over yoUr side of the room so yoU’d have to clean it all Up, or risk slipping on it whenever yoU stood Up.  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: SOMETIMES I THINK ABOuT BREAKING YOuR HORNS IN HALF.  
uu: DIDN’T ONE OF THOSE TROLL ASSWIPES HAVE A BROKEN HORN?  
uu: WAS IT THE SMELLY HORSE MAN? I THINK IT WAS THE SMELLY HORSE MAN.  
uu: THINK ABOuT IT CAL. YOu COuLD BE JuST LIKE HIM!  
uu: HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO!  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: don’t yoU dare even attempt it!  
UU: it’s practically impossible for yoU to even try, bUt if yoU do!!!  
UU: there’ll be conseqUences, to be sUre! >:U  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: ***THEN DON'T PuT ME IN ANY OF YOuR FuCKING FANFICS!***  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: alright, i won’t. calheb will not see the light of day. u.u  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
uu: THEN WE HAVE A DEAL. YOu ABSOLuTE FuCKING FAILuRE.  
  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
  
  
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
  
UU: it's nice we coUld have this chat.   
  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Homestuck work on here, so that's new for me I guess. Anyway, thanks for reading!


End file.
